MSU Extension Food & Health

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love and is often seen as a time to honor the connections we share with others. We do this through gestures and expressions of love for significant others in our lives or by celebrating the connections we have through other special bonds, such as with family, friends, pets, and co-workers. Self-love is another powerful form of love, yet it’s often overlooked. We tend to focus so much on prioritizing others’ happiness that we often end up sacrificing our own in the process. Mindfully extending love to yourself is just as essential as the love you intentionally share with others.

What is self-love?

Self-love is the practice of prioritizing one’s own needs in the pursuit of happiness and growth. This could be growth in ways that support our overall wellbeing - physically, spiritually, and psychologically. It means viewing oneself with unconditional positive regard and prompts us to be intentional about extending the kindness, compassion and acceptance that we extend to others to ourselves. In short, it is love turned inward.

Some may view prioritizing your own needs as selfish, but research shows it’s essential for mental health and overall well-being. It can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, improve sleep, increase self-esteem, boost motivation and determination to achieve goals and support building and maintaining healthy relationships. Without it, we may prioritize pleasing others over our well-being and be more susceptible to negative self-talk. Understanding more about why it’s important may lead to practicing it.

Fourteen ways to practice self-love

• Change negative self-talk to positive. We all have an inner critic, but part of loving yourself is learning to quiet it, as listening to it can create overwhelming stress. Stress clouds our thinking, impairs judgment, disrupts rational decision-making and ultimately impacts our well-being.
• Spend time in nature. Spending just small amounts of time outside in nature has been shown to positively impact how we view ourselves, our life’s purpose, and connection with others.
• Mindfully indulge in valentine chocolates and other treats. Eating mindfully can positively impact our relationship with food and improve our health.
• Treat yourself! Treating oneself is an act of self-care. Sometimes treating yourself can take the form of things that cost money, but there are many ways to treat yourself to something special that is relatively inexpensive or completely free. Here are some ideas to try.
• Try a body-scan when you get into bed at night. Body-scans have been proven to help us relax and get to sleep easier. Try the brief one linked here to help get started.
• Set healthy boundaries in relationships. Boundaries help protect us from creating unhealthy patterns of connection in important relationships in our lives. Without them, we run the risk of increasing stress and decreasing overall life satisfaction.
• Let go of comparisons to others. Focusing on others not only leads to stress and anxiety but hinders our ability to focus on our own accomplishments. Focusing on ourselves can lead to greater self-worth and self-acceptance. If you have fallen into the habit of doing this, you can learn to undo it.
• Take a mindful walk. Mindful walking has many benefits for improving physical and mental health. These include decreasing symptoms of anxiety and depression, improving sleep quality and reducing pain.
• Start writing in a journal. Journaling has been linked to various aspects of well-being, including greater life satisfaction, increased happiness and reduced stress. There are many approaches and prompts to establishing a practice of your own. The most important part is to get started and do it consistently.
• Spend a day doing nothing. It can be important to take time out to do absolutely nothing. Doing so can positively impact creativity and productivity, as well as improve mood and the ability to maintain presence in everyday life.
• Practice a positive affirmation. Practicing self-affirmations can improve work performance, reduce how vulnerable we feel in threatening situations, increase overall health and wellbeing and help us adapt to change.
• Forgive yourself. Sometimes we get stuck in the past, which is not productive or helpful. Forgiving oneself for mistakes made in the past can help you evolve, learn and move forward.
• Practice gratitude. Daily gratitude practice has been shown to improve mental and physical health, lead to stronger connections with others, and increase resilience over life stressors. Learn more about practicing gratitude here.
• Embrace your imperfections. Striving to be perfect makes authenticity impossible. In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, researcher Brene Brown says that “it is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: Courage, compassion and connection.”

On this Valentine’s Day, spread love freely and remember to hold some back for yourself. If this is a new or radical idea, give yourself permission to start small and go slow. Community-based in-person and online classes through Michigan State University Extension, including Stress Less with Mindfulness for Better Sleep and other Mindfulness for Better Living programs, can help you get started.