MSU Extension Food & Health

Many people will feel lonely at some point during their lives and about 10% of people feel lonely every day. Experiencing life changes like moving, divorce, losing a loved one and changing jobs can cause loneliness. We can also develop feelings of loneliness without big life changes, and even when we are around people we care about. Regardless of why we might feel lonely, the good news is that there are things we can do to feel better.

When we feel lonely, it’s often because our need for connection is not met. We all have different needs for connecting with others based on our experiences, culture and personality. Therefore, the circumstances that cause feelings of loneliness can be different for everyone. Additionally, our individual need for connection can change over the years. Trying different ways to feel less lonely helps, since there isn’t a single solution that will work for everyone all the time.   

Ways to reduce loneliness

Becoming more comfortable spending time with yourself is one way to feel less lonely. Mindfulness has been shown to help with this. Practicing mindfulness keeps us in the present moment and at peace with our thoughts and emotions, making it more comfortable to be alone. Another option is to spend time being physically active, particularly with exercises that we enjoy. Simply put, moving our bodies can help us to feel better overall. Activities that keep us engaged, such as learning a skill, cooking a new recipe, or taking a class can also be helpful. Having plans for your day and keeping yourself busy with new activities can make you happier in your own company.

Another way to decrease loneliness is to use technology to spend time with others. Planning regular video calls or phone calls with friends and family can help us stay connected. Joining virtual hobby groups or peer support groups is another way to use technology to meet people who you share something in common with, which can make it easier to build relationships with others.

Spending time in your community to meet people who live close by is another strategy. Some ideas for community involvement are to participate in programs through a local library, volunteer at a nearby organization, or join a hobby group that meets in-person. While meeting new people is great, we may not decrease our feelings of loneliness right away using this strategy. New relationships require time to build a sense of trust and connection. In fact, research suggests that it takes about 100 hours to make a good friend.

Time spent with others is important, but quality time is better when it comes to addressing loneliness. Quality time with others can include any number of activities. The main components of quality interactions are undivided attention and meaningful conversation. Sometimes technology can get in the way of this, so it can be helpful to plan screen-free time with our family and friends.

Reducing loneliness in action

Trying new things can be hard sometimes. However, being willing to get outside of your comfort zone to meet new people and deepen your connections is really important. This is because not only does loneliness not feel great, it also isn’t great for our health. Experiencing loneliness for a long time can increase the risk of diseases like high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, dementia, and mental disorders like anxiety and depression.

The strategies in this article can be helpful for some people; others may find it difficult to put these ideas into action. If you experience a lot of stress when interacting with others or do not have the ability to make and complete plans to address your loneliness, it may help you to speak with your doctor or mental health professional about those challenges. It is okay if it is hard for you to overcome your feelings of loneliness. There is support available and it is possible to work through the barriers you are experiencing.

The more kinds of strategies you try to feel less lonely, the more likely you are to be successful in your efforts. If you don’t know where to start, try starting with whatever feels easiest first and then work up to other ways once you feel comfortable with your first strategy. Also, setting specific goals and writing them down or telling someone about them can help you follow through with your plans.

Michigan State University Extension offers a variety of programs about social, emotional, and physical health topics. Checking out Mindfulness for Better Living resources or participating in a Mental Health First Aid training can be a great place to start! You can attend these courses to meet new people and learn about ways to improve your overall wellbeing.