Creating a culture of kindness in your home
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EmailFamilies can teach children how to practice kindness.
As parents, we are often coached by educators on how to track our child’s growth through all the domains of development—physical, cognitive, language, social and emotional. What about their moral development? How will they learn about caring, compassion and kindness? Are these things innate or can they be taught?
Many psychologists and educators believe these traits can be taught and encouraged. Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD, the author of “Tomorrow’s Change Makers: Reclaiming the Power of Citizenship for a New Generation,” calls it a “culture of kindness.”
Kindness can be encouraged through practice. Jenn Director Knudson with the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California Berkeley lists a few ways parents can encourage their children to practice kindness. First, we model selfless behavior for children. Children learn from imitation, so we want to show children how to look for opportunities to be kind to others. It can also help if a parent can show graciousness when thanked for kindness. Phrases like “I am happy to help you” lets children know we make a conscious decision to be helpful and are positive about our choices.
Another strategy to use is to give children gentle, specific praise for their acts of kindness rather than give an external reward. Giving a child a reward such as a toy or a treat may send the message that kindness is about what we get from it. While we do not have to create a dramatic scene with the praise, everyone likes to be noticed for their kind actions. In terms of giving specific praise, it is suggested we praise a child’s character, not the behavior.
Harvard psychologist Richard Weissbourd, who runs the Making Caring Common Project, adds that expanding your child’s circle of concern helps children practice kindness too. Most children understand showing kindness to family members and close friends, but adults can help children extend their caring acts to people with whom they are not familiar. Helping people who may be different than they are teaches children about compassion and empathy.
In the study “Differential pattern of functional brain plasticity after compassion and empathy training,” authors Klimecki, Leiberg, Ricard and Singer found that empathy training can actually change the way a person’s brain functions. These researchers determined that compassion training could reverse thinking patterns in the brain associated with negative stimuli such as videos depicting human suffering.
Another study by researchers Arber Tasimi of Yale University and Liane Young of Boston College shows that when children think about good deeds they have accomplished, it leads to more good deeds in the future. “Recalling one’s own positive behavior—rather than positive behaviors more generally—boosts generosity in children,” the researchers conclude.
These studies, and others, show that being more intentional about kindness will help our children to practice kindness themselves. It is encouraging to know in a world full of discord and turmoil that we can do something to make it a better place and help make our children happier.
If you would like to find out more about kindness research, Michigan State University Extension suggests the following resources:
- A Simple Way to Foster Kindness in Kids by Jenn Director Knudsen, Greater Good Science Center
- Encouraging Kindness in Kids by Greater Good in Action
- Are you raising nice kids? A Harvard psychologist gives 5 ways to raise them to be kind by The Washington post
- Differential pattern of functional brain plasticity after compassion and empathy training, Oxford Journals
- Acts of Kindness: Key to Happiness for Children & Teens by Marilyn Price-Mitchell
